The Guide Of Falling In Love With Your Straight Best Mate
by Lupin3Black
Summary: The names James Sirius Potter. But if you need this guide call me Jamie. I've fallen in love with Teddy Lupin. And thus, this wonderful guide was born. Teddy/James. Slash.
1. Chapter 1

How Not To Fall In Love With Your Ridiculously Straight Best Friend

An account told by James Sirius Potter

Hello there! The names James Sirius Potter, but my friends call me Jamie, to be honest ,I much more prefer that over James, there's obviously nothing wrong with James, he's my grandad and a totally awesome prankster but he married a girl named Lily (grandmother) which is my sisters name, and not really the biggest fan of Incest so Jamie kind of stuck.

I'm a sixth year, grffyndor obviously, I think Minnie must be losing her mind because last year, I made prefect. I obviously, have no bloody clue how that came about, she hates me, okay, so I don't have the best grades and yeah, I don't really do the whole 'homework' thing. We don't really see eye to eye on things. I would be quidditch captain too! If Teddy would just hurry up and leave...

Teddy Lupin. My best mate, he's a seventh year, bit of a genius. Yeah, he's why I'm making this guide. You see, dear friends, I've found myself in a bit of a pickle.

I'm ridiculously, head over heels, heart pumping, stomach churningly, butterflies in hobnail boots, head dizzying, eyes starrying, insanely, in LOVE with one Teddy Lupin.

Yeah! I know! You think your surprised? How do you think I felt?! I'm the biggest player I know! Then suddenly I wake up and it's all 'blimey! I should fall in love with a bloke today', well, speaking realistically it didn't actually happen overnight. I mean, it started gradually, noticing the golden flecks in his brown eyes, or the way his blue hair glinted in the sunlight. The way his voice got softer and more compassionate when he spoke about something he truly loves, or how he always has time to tutor a failing hufflepuff (or me).

Or you know, the fact that he's hot as fuck!

Seriously, I know the dudes an animagus but 'dat ass'.

Moving on from Teddy Lupin's arse which is a great subject and should be worshi-

I digress.

Back to the problem at hand, Teddy's so straight it's unreal, I mean, he's never actually had a girlfriend, though my fourth year cousin Victoire keeps making eyes at him, but he admitted to me one night, when it was just the two of us, the common room empty and the fire dimming in the night air, that he could never date a Weasley, they were all like family to him. He wouldn't want to hurt them.

I'll admit my heart tore itself up, flung itself to the floor and let people walk on it, but hey, I managed to 'fall asleep' (pretending) and got to lay draped over Teddy like a blanket, while he ran his fingers sleepily through my hair, exactly like what we would do as children.

So all was good.

Except ,you know, the whole in love with my best mate thing.

Fuck, so close.

*_**Pagebreak**_*

"Hey Jamie! How's life?" My cousin Fred said, flinging himself into the bench opposite me, I snorted at him, I literally saw him a second ago, before he went to flirt with some 5th years.

"A lot of things have happened since you left a whole 5 minutes ago! I got a manicure, finished 16 essays, became the new dark lord because I failed all said essays and have been banished from touching cheese for the rest of my life, so I became Voldemort to get back at those who can relish in the smooth feel of the oh-great-almighty cheese." I sighed, and Freddie nodded sympathetically, just as he was opening his mouth to say something a smooth voice from behind me interrupted him.

"I think I walked into the wrong conversation at the wrong time."

Teddy.

*cue ridiculous schoolgirl blush that makes me look like a tomato, I blame the Weasley gene and heart beating faster so that I could probably run a marathon'

I fucking hate puberty. It made me into a fan girl.

*shudder*

I could see Fred eyeing me, his blue eyes eyes squinting, I knew what was ticking behind his head, 'Why is he blushing? It's only Teddy!' Freddie may look thick but not much got past his brain which was ridiculously handy for pranks, I stayed quiet ducking my head down to my tomato soup, slurping loudly to try and cover the silence.

I could see Fred's eyes open in realisation. Tosser! Fuck! He knows! Shit! I'm dead. Think fast James! Your named after two different marauders! Think quick.

I do the first thing I think of.

"FOOD FIGHT!"

Prefect my ass.

**A/N Hey guys! What do you think of my new project. I've got two projects going on at the moment, this, which is my humour, and The Art Of Dreaming which is my angst fic. So to anyone that likes this, it will be updated as soon as possible and for My The Art Of Dreamers the next chapter is half written so...**

**ByE! Lupin3Black**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two

**_A/N WoooH! I've already updated two other fics tonight. I'm on a role bitches..._**

Step One; Confide in the person Your closest too. If the person your in love with is who your closest too, go to your best mate. If you don't have a best mate. Then your life sucks mate. It really does.

"So your gay?" Freddie asked me stupidly as we sat alone behind the curtains of his four poster with silencing spells cast.

I looked at him and answered, my voice dripping with sarcasm, "No, I just fancy a bloke. But I'm not gay!"

Fred held his hands up, "Calm down! I was only clarifying. Geez kid! Defensive much!"

I sighed and didn't reply, running a hand through my untidy hair, wincing as a noodle fell out, apparently food fights meant food landed bloody everywhere.

I mean everywhere.

Literally.

*shudder*

"Yeah, I'm gay." I muttered, glancing up at Freddie when he suddenly whooped with joy, "What are you so happy about?"

He grinned at me, "Lily owes me 7 galleons now."

"NO!" My voice comes out louder than I intended but I really couldn't give a fuck, "If you tell anyone, I will literally break your face, sell it on eBay, then use the money to by an angle grinder and sand the rest of your body into dust. Got it?" Freddie looks mildly horrified but nods.

"Got it."

"Good," I say, shaking some rice from my ear.

"Does that mean you want to sleep with me?" Freddie questions, wrinkling his nose in disgust.

I know how you feel mate. Sleep With Freddie? Id rather take a bath in Severus Snapes hair grease.

"Hell No! I'm not into the whole incest thing. The only person I want to sleep with is Teddy. But that ain't happening anytime soon." I grumble, flinging myself back on Freddie's pillow with a loud sigh.

"Well..." Freddie mutters, raising an eyebrow at me.

"Well what?" I probe. Freddie's got an idea? Brilliant!

"No-no it couldn't work. But-but with a few tweaks. It could..." Freddie's low voics trails off mysteriously, staring intently at the wonder that is the post of his bed.

I'm getting grumpy now. I hate being not included in things. "What could?"

Freddie stares at me, "We are going to get Teddy to fall in love with you, Jamie." His broad grin widens further when I stare at him puzzled.

"How do you plan on doing that?"

Freddie cackled (fuck ,that was scary) "With, a guide Jamsy-boy. With. A. Guide."

I stare at him, "Where the hell are you going to get a a Guide on How To Make Your Best Mate Fall In Love With You!"

"We, my friend, are going to write it."

I gulped cowardly.

And thus, this guide was made and this first step was created.

Ah fuck.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N god, I can't even remember the last time I updated this! My apologies for those who care! Btw, I changed how Tonks and Remus got together, they were never together, Remus loved Sirius and Tonks was just a needy whore. So, some Tonks bashing guys!**

**_Step two; capture his/her attention. Anyway humanly/wizardly/creaturely possible._**

"Hey Jami-what the fuck did you do to yourself!" Teddy exclaimed as I sat beside him in the great hall, I grinned at his reaction.

For my method I had to resort to telling my best friend. Which, resorted in many girly squeals, some tears (not mine, I solemnly swear!) and a bucket load of ice-cream. Sometimes, I wonder how I never found out I was gay before this.

Let me explain further, it could come in handy.

Let's start simple okay? With a basic description of Lizzie. Elizabeth Longbottom was the Lily to Freddie's James. Literally, we are the second generation of the marauders. I, had been graced with the blessing of becoming Padfoot, I had been expecting Prongs but I can totally see how I became Padfoot. Dashingly handsome, longish hair and a flair for the dramatics, plus, there's that awesome motorbike that my mother has absolutely no idea about so let's keep that between me and you, ok?

Freddie became Prongs, his cocky, bold nature bringing out the stag in him, the fact that he somehow passes every test he takes without studying, and the fact, that underneath that strong exterior he's desperately in love with someone who doesn't notice. He confessed to me last night during Lizzie, mine and his 'girls night' (how didn't I notice, I mean holy hippo griff, girls night, how did this not occur to me!) , he's in love with Emmett Longbottom . I know Emmett well enough, he's on the quidditch team, his father usually brings him and his kid brothers Lorcan and Lysander over to the burrow on Christmas. I was more than a little shocked when Freddie told me he was Bi, but he mostly preferred guys. But I could kind of see it in his behaviour, y'know.

God, I'm such a hypocrite.

Teddy was Moony. It was unavoidable. Teddy used to fear that we chose Moony for him because he was his father, but we didn't. Remus Lupin was one (damn sexy if you don't mind me sayin') strong man. He went so many hardships. He was a werewolf, but I wouldn't count that a hardship, more like a blessing in disguise, he probably wouldn't be who he was if he wasn't a werewolf. He dealt with the death of his lover, (the older me, Sirius Black), he dealt with when he was raped by Nymphadora Tonks, the nightmares, when Teddy arrived on his doorstep only hours old, he took him in without a word. When he died in the 2nd wizarding war, he left behind Teddy. Only a year old.

Teddy's like that in some ways. Strong, that is. He grew up an orphan, faced with the loneliness of being parent-less. He was raised by my dad, so he grew up just another part of my life. He had to live with knowing he was the result of rape, dealing with the insecurities and ridicule that came with it, he's so strong that sometimes, I feel like a damsel in distress in his presence. Plus, he gained his fathers amber eyes, addiction to chocolate and he's a total bibliophile as much as he protests it.

We don't have a worm tail, we didn't allow ourselves a wormtail after what happened last time.

But back to Lizzie, she's been there as long as I can remember, well, we met her in first year, I dumped pumpkin juice on her head after she turned my owl into a pigeon.

It was the start of a beautiful friendship.

Anyways, for details of the girly night, which I have no idea why Freddie's make me write down, probably because I just outed him to all you poor helpless souls needing this guide, (sorry mate) please proceed and refrain from teasing me any chance you get.

"So...what's the big need for an emergency girls night?" Lizzie asked, slipping a spoonful of pumpkin pastry ice-cream between her lips and sucking (I guess, that's how I knew I absolutely wasn't straight when I payed more attention to the ice-cream she was hogging *cough*bitch*cough* than the obscene gesture she was making.

"Let's get down to business then." Freddie said, folding his palms in his laps and twiddling his thumbs, "Er-right. So hypothetically, if someone's in love with a person, then they should be together, if maybe, it just so happens that other person may just so happen to fancy the other person?"

Lizzie's eyes widened and her mouth slid open with a comical pop before her face took on a slightly sympathetic look, "I'm sorry guys. But I don't fancy either of you, your like my brothers, but maybe I can set you up wi-"

"Lizzie!" Freddie growled, sparing a glance at me and continuing, "None of us are in love with you! Jamie loves Teddy and I," he took a deep breath before saying, "I might fancy your brother."

So yeah, literally my mouth dropped open whilst Lizzie launched herself at us in some sort of one person group hug. Looking over her shoulder and ignoring her squealings, I mouthed to Freddie, "Your gay?" He shrugged apologetically, "Bi!" He corrected, I nodded and patted him on the head by way of acceptance.

"But that ain't the reason we came to you Liz," I said, "We're doing a guide, it's stupid really, but one of the steps we came up with is get his attention. But we've no idea how to do that, help?"

Lizzie pulled back, her mouth turning into a maniacal smile.

Oh fuck.

I'm starting to regret asking her.

*Present day*

I'm never going to regret asking her.

Best decision I ever made.

Teddy's face is one of shock and I know I've captured his attention.

Lizzie, the evil genius that I now worship, gave me a makeover.

My ebony hair, which used to be chin-length (which I could pull off because I never looked like my father) is now cut to my eyes and my fringe is cut to be feathery and is streaked with red. I've got several piercings up one ear (only 3 of which is fake!) and a stud in my nose and tongue. Which I motherfucking love!

My eyes seem to glitter evilly behind the eyeliner she had so carefully taught me how to apply.

Ditching my regulation flared trousers and leather shoes for black jeans and doc martins with lime green laces I can practically feel McGonagall stare at me from the Professors table, although she can say nothing because I've definitely broken no rules.

I checked.

Feeling everyone's eyes on me ,I pull my beanie down over my ears and wink at some hufflepuff boy. Yes, hufflepuff BOY.

I turn to a gob-smacked Teddy and grin wider, grabbing a drink of apple juice (it's his favourite, I know), leaning across the table, I whisper "Lizzie got a hold of me, wait until you see Freddie. She attacked him too!"

When Freddie walks in, I can hear the multiple gasps and grin at him boyishly as he cockily throws a wink to where Emmett was sitting with a bunch of random ravenclaws.

His hair, which used to hang to his ears has been cut and styled so it sticks up in most angles true prongs style, my grandfather would be proud. He's stuck to his school trousers but on his feet are dirty purple converse with their laces trailing, his robes sleeves are pushed to his elbows, showing off the tattoos he got once when us too were drunk on Christmas. I got one too, but it's on my foot and I've got a moon on my heart.

He doesn't even look that different, but he walks more confidently, and yeah, he walks, not swaggers, Lizzie told us that Emmett told her that he hated it when he did that. Flopping onto the bench beside Teddy we both turn to watch as Liz makes her entrance, ignoring every bodies eyes on us, (yeah, we all had to enter separately. Makes it more noticeable right? Please tell me Teddy noticed).

A collective gasp echoes again as Liz shyly scurries over to where we all sat, her head ducked shyly. Her blue eyes twinkled happily when she reached us and she sat beside me, her blonde curls bouncing happily on her shoulders. "Well well well, don't we look pretty? Whatd'you think messer Fred? Doesn't our Lizzie look all grown up?" I said, wrapping an arm around her, while she smacks the back of my head grumpily.

Something's never change.

She definitely looks different, She used to have fake purple hair that did nothing for her completion. She ditched the luminous eye shadows for a more subtle grey. She looks like her again, except the creation she made from her mind.

"Not that I mind, but what's up with the new looks and why was I ignored?" Teddy's amused voice asks us, Freddie grins at him apologetically.

"Sorry mate, last minute thing, Liz just sort of jumped us." He explained, while Teddy raises one eyebrow in amusement.

"And it's not like you need it." I say before I can help myself, fuck! Abort! Abort! "I mean, your a metamorphamagus, you can change your appearance at will!"

Nice save Jamie-boy. Nice save.

**A/N so guys, that was a bit longer wasn't it?  
I found two perfect songs concerning Remus Lupin. The first one is siriusxremus really, Howl by Florence and the machine and the second one is just Remus, it's battle scars by Lupe fiasco! Please check them out and tell me what you think as I think they are kickass songs!**

**Lupin3black**

**Btw, what fic is my OC Emmett Longbottom from? Anyone who gets it will automatically feature in the next chapter! **


End file.
